Liturgy: “*Everything* as Loss?”
There is a part of me that is worshiping academic achievement instead of God, and it is stopping me from valuing Christ above all other things in my life. I want that part of me gone.
What is the King’s Liturgy? King’s Liturgy defines our experience together as a Christian community. It outlines the rhythms we celebrate with the Church at large: Scripture readings, Sabbath habits, and celebration of Holy Days and historical events.
This Week’s Lectionary Readings
Isaiah 43:16-21
Philippians 3:4b-14
John 12:1-8
Psalm 126
This week’s liturgy is contributed by Davis Campbell (PPE ’16):
The Apostle Paul says, “I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” (Phil 3:8). I wish that I could say that with him. But I can’t.
I’ve always struggled with placing my trust in my achievements and abilities, rather than in Jesus. I was good at school as a kid, so it was easy for me to rely on my academic accomplishments for my sense of self-worth. But that made my sense of self-worth volatile. If I got a bad grade on an assignment, I would be shattered. Even when I was doing well, the very possibility of messing up terrified me, because my performance was what I thought was most important about me.
Not much has changed since then. Lately, I’ve been worrying myself sick about the grades I will get at the end of this semester in law school. Will I be on track to graduate in the top 10%? I care a lot about that. That’s the cutoff for graduating magna cum laude, which, for some reason, I really want.
Before coming to law school, I had thought I was better about this. I had thought that I would no longer treat my grades as the basis for my self-worth. But old habits die hard. This sin is deeply rooted in my heart. A two-year break from being in school allowed me to forget that.
I think that’s a big part of why God sent me back to school. This sin was hiding, and I had forgotten that it was there. But now that I’m in school again, it can’t hide. It’s out in the open. And God is killing it. It’s painful, but necessary, for this to happen. There is a part of me that is worshiping academic achievement instead of God, and it is stopping me from valuing Christ above all other things in my life. I want that part of me gone.
I wish I could just make myself love and trust God so much as to make everything else seem worthless by comparison. But I can’t. I need God to teach me to love him. I need him to teach me to see myself as his beloved child instead of as a list of vain achievements. Fortunately, he is faithful, even when I am faithless. And I know that someday he will finish remaking me so that I can love him the way I am supposed to. It’s just that waiting for that day is really hard.