Liturgy: “The more successful I am in the rest of my life, the less I turn to God”

My schedule is very full right now and I also feel like there are a lot of big life changes looming. On top of my work at King’s, I am taking online seminary courses, working toward a master’s degree. My wife is anticipating changes at work for her that will certainly affect the two of us. On top of all of that, we are nearing our 30s and wondering when we will start a family and where we would want to raise kids.

Amazingly, I feel like I am handling it all pretty well and experiencing a quality of life I never expected to experience. But then there is a dark secret that has been looming over me this year: I feel like I am barely holding on spiritually. What I mean is that the more successful I am in the rest of my life, the less I turn to God. God once seemed to me like a close friend and now seems distant. It’s like life has crowded him out, which is crazy because I’m in seminary! Shouldn’t I be more spiritually-fit than ever? If the rest of life is so good, why do I feel so spiritually empty?

In Ephesians 1, Paul prays,

That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.

This passage is a salve for my soul. I pray that for myself. I want my heart enlightened. I want to remember the hope to which I have been called. I want to remember the truth of who Christ is and for that to make a difference to me. Father, open my eyes!

We are in the holiday season. My wife mentioned to me yesterday that she feels a tendency to do the holiday thing and then add Jesus as an afterthought. I feel the same way. The holidays are so routine and I know the stories so well that I hardly take time to remember them.

Knowing where I am spiritually, I am committing to meditate on the truths of the Gospel this season. You are my community—hold me to it. This week I am meditating on Psalm 100. It tells us who God is, who we are, and how we should respond to him. I encourage you, if you are feeling anything like me lately, join me in remembering these great truths.

“Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth!
Serve the Lord with gladness!
Come into his presence with singing!
Know that the Lord, he is God!
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!
For the Lord is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations.”